Deep Sea Exploaration: Cosplay and Discrimination

Now, this post-type is titled "Deep Sea Exploration". This type's purpose is to, well, explore the feelings I have on the relationship of two things. What the things are don't matter, they are completely random.

Photo above was taken with a film camera.

/--

I'm the member of some cosplay group, but I don't cosplay. Hell, I have my own cosgroup but I don't cosplay. It's also just the name we formally call our group of friends, but this is a anything-goes group. I'm primarily a photographer who prefers to observe rather than participate.

Now why don't I cosplay, If I'm so much into the culture?

I'm a very harsh person, and so something has to be perfect when I do it. I become angry at myself when I don't get my pictures perfectly; even if I mess up my schedule, I get really angry. Because I planned it to be perfect and it's not turning out the way I planned it.

I cannot do cosplay the way I planned it.  If I'm going to do cosplay, everything must be dead-accurate. It's hard to do dead-accurate. And I don't have the body build that perfectly matched the character I want to cosplay, as I'm not drawn and I eat a lot of meat. Also, it could be said that cosplay, just doesn't get my juices flowing that much.

Also recently I've encountered the situation of cosplay snobbery. Since, by some distinct twisted way, the local scene transformed the hobby of cosplaying into a uncalled for status of elevated rank. people who do cosplay and are sometimes good at it turn into unsufferable snobs. Now this is not the general rule now, but my fear is that this happens and accelerates in a few years. That'd be bad. It's elicited numerous statements of disgust who are in the right mind. Maybe this can be sourced from the fact that mass media had and done a great deal of things in order do this escalation? Not that I reject the popularisation of the hobby, but I just simply cannot stand to bear the thought of the disrespect caused by those in it for simple popularity butchering my favorite fandoms.

Most of my photography, I learned through shooting cosplay subjects. I like to think that I have a pretty good idea how you can tell whether a cosplay done is good. And I have worked with people who are just great at doing it. I've also met people who are good at cosplay photography. Behind the lens, what makes the cosplay especially brilliant is how the person donning the costume portraying the character on which their costume is based on. I know I've put a heavy emphasis on the aesthetic quality of cosplay, but it is one of the many important aspects of it. You could say the cosplay requires a multitude of factors to be pulled off successfully. It's very common to see someone cosplaying a character just for the heck of it, or for fame and glory; It could be said that this specific reason is a big factor for the ongoing cosplay snobbery. I can understand their snobbery, but much of this is still an excessive response to the current phenomenon.

All this rage, all this rage must be reformed to constructively change on how characters are portrayed. We must remember how easy it is to be angry, and in to the same extent how easy it is to hurt a person's feelings. Of course, this goes without saying that they are really sincere in wanting to portray their favorite character properly; this effort cannot apply to persons who are not really interested in sharing their like for the fandom, but are in it for superficial reasons of fame and notoriety.

Random N.2

I can't sleep again. I know exactly why, and that makes it more horrible.

You know this feeling where there's something you really want but you can't have it? In response to this awful feeling, you try doing other things to try and satisfy this particular want. Usually, these responses do what they are supposed to do, and blow away the feeling of want, even if for just a while. In a exceptionally bad time, however, the response does not do anything, sometimes it makes the feeling even more worse.

Sadly, I am going through the latter phase. And when it does happen, I utilize some sort of twisted positive feedback system to try and balance things again back to where they were.

Currently, my situation feels like a book I read about the first astronauts and test pilots, titles 'The Right Stuff' by Tom Wolfe. In the book, there was a particular situation where the test pilot, in a still unproven aircraft, encounters serious trouble in the test flight. Something like a flat spin, of which even the mighty Chuck Yeager has recovered only from once (as context, Chuck Yeager is the first person to have ever broken the sound barrier). A pilot, in a dangerous situation, usually has a few protocols he can go through in order to normalise the flight behavior of the aircraft. In a serious trouble though, these options are as useful as a bottle of water while in the middle of a raging inferno. But because of the training impressed upon these valiant pilots call them to try them out regardless. What can you do when you can't go forward, but can't because of reasons beyond control?

I can't help but pull inferences from the situation experienced by those pilots. Well, maybe not to extent of that the situation experienced by the pilots will result to their death, but I reckon it's pretty damn close.

The only thing I've got going for me in this part of my life, is my unbelievable luck. I sure hope that it holds out. There's a limit to my ability. I pray that God will continue to smile upon me and retain my luck.

Faith may come off as stupid to some people, especially those ultra-rational people, but I think it is essential to a human being. Without it, what can be used to fight off the fear of the unknown which is innate to humans? True, rationality is an effective weapon against it, but if that is the case, then what is the reason for the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat'? If you die doing something, well that's great if humanity as a whole knows of it and learn from it, but that feeling is somewhat heavily damped by the fact that you die in the process of doing that something.

Moving on, it is really hard to love an enigmatic person. I could do whimsical, but enigmatic is on several degrees more difficult. You absolutely have nothing to go with, you cannot predict what is on their minds (this is usually done for the comfort of the person doing the predicting), and it severely clashes with the fear of the unknown which is embedded to humans. It certainly does have its own allure and charm but there are limits to one's bravery, especially mine. The knowledge that you know so little of a person is damaging, because of all the self-analysis carried out. It is common knowledge that self-analytical thoughts usually are hyperbole and blown way out of proportion, depending on the person's preconception. All of this has a magic way of giving a person a false presentiment about a enigmatic persons' thoughts. And it is even worse if you know only the top of the iceberg, which can either give you a false sense of security or give you dread that is uncalled for.

I'm not asking for much, I just want at least a little bit of attention from her. I know that she's busy and all, but if she were to give me even just the time of day (is it stupid to wish for something like that since there is never a time that I wear a watch whenever I'm outside?), I'd be extremely happy. It won't last forever, but at least it would give me some respite and rest from my ruthless self-analyses.

Putting into consideration my and her circumstances, is it too much to ask for? Even a simple, succinct communique from her would greatly help my emotional well-being.

This feelings are all amplified by the short, but sweet time we have spent together. I asked this enigmatic person out to coffee, braving a very strong psychological desire to dig a ditch and stay there, and I simply had the best time of my life. I could even say it beats the elation I felt when I visited my favorite country in the world, soaking in its culture and overall feel. So much so that the desire to do it again is nearly unbearable. From what happened that night, I can only pull 2 inferences. One, is that because of the good show I've put on, there's a definite chance that there would be a part deux. On the other hand, because of how great it went, it might never happen again. I'm sincerely hoping it was the latter, and I did not commit any grave screw ups that cannot be overlooked. The feeling still of dismay still lingers though, as I've yet to talk to her about the next time such a event will occur. I carry in my heart that it will occur again, but the doubt still remains. Doubting what might be is something I cannot just easily shake off, it seems. Especially when there is a marked lack of communication from the other person. The only option left to me at this time is hope. Without it, I'd be a sorry bag of flesh, wondering what might have been like a buffoon.

Also, this is departure from what I usually experience with my dealings with other people. I usually get what I want from other people, whatever it may be. Perception of success depends on how you move onward from each success or failure. In my opinion, success is pretty much the same as failure; failing to move onward properly results in a severe imbalance that when left uncorrected, would lead to serious problems later on. What is important is what you do with the hand that your are dealt with. Whether is be good or bad. In this particular case, I am given the rough idea that I've been dealt with a good hand; however, due to lack of further information on what are the specifics of my specific hand, it is hard to find out what would be a appropriate hand to play on. Heck, it largely feels that I think I've been dealt with a royal flush, but unsure as to the composition. It's a very confusing state to be in. I really can't fathom where I am now. Am I in a good place, or in a bad situation? I don't know. I would kill to know.

What's left, in this kind of situation, and simply hope for the best. At the risk of going around in circles,

My Thoughts Exactly: Norwegian Wood

*Spoilers abound for those who have never read the book. 

Never have I read a book as dangerous as this. Because there hasn't been a book that described what I am in beautiful prose such as this.

Whenever I remember the book, a bad feeling comes about over me. This is what makes the book really scary for me. Never have I been so scared of book this way. I will definitely read it again, no matter how scary or painful it is. It gives me a special sort of pleasure that only this book can give me. I have yet to talk to my closest friends about this.

It's eerie, to find a book that explains everything that I am. Not to brag or anything, but the book's plot, in a way, portrays me as a person, in my totality. It's like a bible of sorts to understanding me. Even the part of the story that's really depressing, and the overtones of suicidal tendencies are things that I've personally experienced. Not everything is black though, and the fun times they've had is also something that I have first hand experience of.

I am of the opinion that no one person is single dimensional, except in rare instances. We have multiple personas that we use to interact with the world around us. This is a necessity to survive, a measure of adaptability. Without this method humans would be inflexible, and even somewhat uncivilized, a race deciding absolutely everything by instinct.

Think of it this way. Each of the characters represent a facet of me as a person.This is specifically what makes the book very scary for me. I think the reason for this is that the book has a very autobiographical feel about it, with Toru telling the reader the story of his turbulent college days in post-war Tokyo. This reason satisfies most, but not all of my questions as to why this book is like, this.

/--

A primary theme in the book is 'escapism', trying to distract yourself with other things to try and not address the monster in the room. This eventually morphs into the art of letting go, of looking to the future rather than the past. Toru, being the one burdened with the role of living on, of never forgetting his friends who have passed and moved on, bears a herculean task of living with these memories, even if they are, horrible to remember. Gallivanting about with other women, in order to satisfy carnal desires. Mourning alone, as what Naoko and Kizuki had done to him, to leave him alone. Toru never really had any chance with Naoko in the first place. Naoko chose Kizuki, the moment he died. That's why she wasn't able to make friends anymore, or even with the time she spent with Toru, she never really made any romantic advances, or responded to Toru's actions. Walking around with someone in circles in a city that had much more to offer than places to walk in, that would definitely mean something. But Toru chose to wait, and Naoko can't really move forward, even if she thought otherwise. Becuase she was forever bound to that one person. It was all a farce, a act which tormented Toru to no end, until her death.

Another major theme is the topic of suicide. Naoko's last day, was exactly what a person dead set on taking his or her own life would do. A final happiness to last that person a lifetime. The golden memory that will shine on even after a person has died. As a medical professional, we are taught to watch out for these warning signs to unstable persons who are susceptible to committing suicide. This is personally, a very scary part of the story for me; as it is similar to what I've experienced when I was thinking about throwing the towel in for good. The feeling of imagined relief after I've killed myself came in like a flood while reading the story of Naoko's death. It gave me a comfortingly cold feeling rolling through my mind.

I'm writing this primarily to settle my troubled mind since I read that book. It opened a lot of old wounds I thought I've successfully closed, but that was not the case. It was more like skeletons in a big, sealed safe, and someone opened the safe quite inadvertently, much to my dismay and chagrin. It was almost like the book was telling me, that I haven't really changed much from my dark days, that I was simply fooling myself and trying to have time alone heal the wounds. Time has done its job admirably, but it seems that it isn't enough. Proactivity, or lack thereof, is something that must be addressed. The only thing that has been keeping me afloat for this long is nothing but hope, that things will change significantly, and I shouldn't end things so prematurely. It's not over till it's over, I keep telling myself, and prevent the shadows from getting too long. Along comes with it the fear that, what would happen when telling myself that wouldn't work anymore.

Another thing that I've noticed while reading the book is the isolation that Toru experienced. Being a bachelor in a urban center, and with not a lot of friends, that situation resounded strongly with me. He did live in a dormitory rather than a apartment, but he hadn't really made friends there other than Nagasawa. And when the source of your troubles is a girl, you don't go cruising for girls to relieve that problem; that's just plain wrong.

Often is the night where I'd find myself wanting to drink with a friend, but cannot. I guess it really does ring true that when you get older, your group of friends tend to shrink. It's either they're busy with their current lives, or just don't give a damn about you anymore, now that they've got other friends now. Which are more relevant to their interests. This thing is very troubling for me, since I never had a lot of friends in the beginning. I mean true friends, not just acquaintances you went out with after school or work. Friends I'll actively go and seek out to meet with. I'm not especially equipped to mingle with everyone, as I'm more used to being alone than being with others. But no one is an island, right? I guess this convenience of urban living comes with the isolation, as those who live in or nearby urban centers lead generally job-centric lives, and with the thinking that not being part of that particular circle, knocks you down the priority of spending time with. That's why I'm always on the lookout for the type of friend who can spare at least a bit of time. I'm at the age where you realize that those type of friends are the most difficult to come by.

My Thoughts Exactly: Japanese Anime

This post type is what I call "My Thoughts Exactly". This series of posts focuses on things that I'd like to talk about, and what I think of them. This type still focuses on the thought of Randomness, but this time there is a definite topic that the content will be about.

In case anybody is wondering why I describe what a post-type is before I go on with it, I'm mainly writing this for my benefit. My memory is similar to a goldfish in its ability to retain things like this. Writing what a post-type is in here is help me remember what is what and which is which.

/--

Ahh, anime. Something I rarely talk about. I'm too dyed in the wool to have any debates regarding this thing, my mind in a sort of preset when talking about anime. I used to talk a lot about anime, but events have overtaken my comprehension and thus I found myself out of touch about what otakus are talking about now.

I believe the golden age of Anime was the 80's to the early 90's. There are numerous iconic shows that were made and shown in this time period. This was a period that defined the genre's followers for the next 20 or so years. Almost all of my favorite shows are in this time period.

One notable show is Maison Ikkoku, by Rumiko Takahashi. This show is still, in my opinion, the best romantic comedy anime ever made. It had beautifully drawn characters (for the time, let's not compare it to the CG specials of today), incomparable storyline (it would be imitated by others, but they never had that special Mezon magic), and a completeness that you can never find in series that are the norm today.

Every self-proclaimed otaku say that they have a 10 best ranking of all the shows they've watched. Well this particular show is in my number 1 spot. And so far, I don't think anything will be able to beat it. I remember firing up the home theatre and the big-screen TV just to watch this, and it would take me well into the morning. When I watched the last episode of this,  that was especially memorable. It was once again a all-night viewing session, and I knew I was doing the home stretch of the series. Poured me some brandy, and settles down. But even intoxication could never prepare me for the emotional power that this show can project to a person deeply involved in the experience of watching it. Rather, the alcohol... enhanced the experience.

Note to self. Watch anime wearing beer goggles.

This brings me to the current plight of mine with regards to new anime shows being shown nowadays. There are so many, a product of the industry boom from the 2000s. This wealth in quantity does not necessarily translate into high quality releases; rather it only increases the hit ratio. Problem is, you need to sift through whatever that was ejected by the industry, and thus this (in my opinion an cumbersome and herculean effort) sifting makes anybody schooled in the old school give up and become jaded.

And this is what I've become. Right now, I select my viewing material based on notoriety. And the date it was made. I correlate the notoriety with how long it has been out, and from this I pull inferences of the quality of a particular show. Shallow I know, but this is efficient, compared to reading reviews for a show. They tend to be very inaccurate and frustrating, for my tastes rarely align with that of the reviewer. I remember I was once outed from a famous Fanfiction site as being too harsh. I'm too harsh for my own good. That's why, Beer goggles.

But lately, this year, I've been seeing the surging of those comedy anime. And they are very good. That is better than just having nonsensical moeblobs like K-ON (although the music is quite good, well, some of them) and the two most notorious long-running series (I stopped watching Bleach when it began to resemble Naruto in its wash and repeat stratagem. Two peas in a pod, I guess.) The comedies usully have me laughing, even with those gags; it might be that the translators' skills are improving. It's good to know that we still have the Comedy genre to fall back to when most of the works are blatant rehash of old concepts. That's good, but at least bring something new to the table.

Best example, and worst offender of this 'concept recycling' is the Gundam series. Gundam Seed was notable in that it was the first to have a concentration on the romantic relationship of the characters. Gundam 00 felt like a mashup of G-Wing story/background and a little of Gundam UC tech. Tiring to watch because it all felt too familiar. Wasn't worth the effort.

But not all is bad with the new productions. There are still, a lot of good ones, more than enough to last through this dark period of moeblobs. The Fate series is very promising, and what has Type Moon shown utilizing its elements are nothing short of brilliant. And consistently, I might add. Very high level of quality that I've only seen in productions coming from the 80s-90s. Angel Beats! was a fresh take on the concept of life after death, but alas, it was horribly short. Maybe Key will make a v-game enabling you to find out the backstory of all the characters? That would be a great and engaging game.

Productions like I've stated above give me hope that the dark period of moeblobs are over; maybe we're due to see some really memorable shows that would give the next generation their own icons. I fear that they have no icons for their childhood except those frustratingly inexplicable... things.

Random N.1

With this comes the debut of one of my regular post-types. The Random series. This isn't necessarily all too random as free writing, but it's random in the sense that I have no particular topic to talk about; the rest of the post follows.

I hope to introduce more regular series, talk about things I want to talk about.

Time to hit the ground running!

--/
All I could think right now, is how I've been eclipsed by my peers.

They're off, pursuing their dreams. I hope to be in the same track in the near future, but for now I have to ride it out, this seemingly awkward phase of transitioning from one important thing to another. It's just that my transition is more difficult than what I wanted or was led to belief.

But this period is by no means a reason to slack off. If you view it optimistically, this period can be viewed as a breather, at time to view things from the outside, adopt a bird's eye view of the situation. The period can be used to plan things in a strategic sense, because whenever you are afforded this view you see things that can not normally be seen when you're down, doing the nitty gritty.

Many people would the current position I am in isn't that bad. But, it's become incredibly tedious and boring; I know myself that this is not yet my place in the world. If I try a little harder I might be able to reach something on a better plane.

Whenever you stop reaching for something better, it doesn't really mean you're satisfied or anything; humans are incapable of complete and utter satisfaction. They always want something better. The manifestation is what varies among people. This continual need is echoed in our physiological processes, like hunger. Or growth of your various body parts. The same principle is used by the matter of evolution.

If a lifeform stops evolving, it's essentially reached the end of the line for that lifeform. Adaptability is hinged on evolution.

Humans never stopped evolving, and so we live up to this very day.

Going back to planning, the importance of it can never be stressed enough. The saying "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail" can never be true enough.

But even with this planning thing, critical thinking must be exercised. Plans aren't really stiff rules that have to be followed; it would be better if they were more of 'outlines' than indicate the direction you're supposed to go to at a certain point in time. Plans that were made too stiff will inevitably catastrophically fail if it fails to adopt to the prevailing situation.

I suddenly feel like Captain Obvious LOL

I compare life to a pendulum. A pendulum perpetuates motion once it is initiated. But, if it ever stops, that would mean the end of the motion. If I stop moving, or I stop thinking about things big or small, that would be the end of my intellectuality and thus the end of my life.

So never allow yourself to be stifled by others. Freedom, even though in its exercise might reach into the most extreme, most bizaare forms it is the exercise of freedom still; damage control can be performed, but even though a particular action resulting from freedom may be a mistake, mistakes may become the hint to a future problem

/--

Told you this was random.

Car in the picture is a Honda 1300 Coupe 9 S

Start Line

Here I am, wanting to call a space of my own on the blogosphere.

And with all wants, everything begins at something. With this, my starting point, I will begin to open up the possibility of discussing whatever my scatter-brain thinks of.

I guess I'll be posting some random articles, but eventually I'll be posting some things relevant to daily life, and opine on the things that happen in our world.

Hopefully it turns out better than what this first, opening shot post looks like.

Let's go!