Deep Sea Exploaration: Cosplay and Discrimination

Now, this post-type is titled "Deep Sea Exploration". This type's purpose is to, well, explore the feelings I have on the relationship of two things. What the things are don't matter, they are completely random.

Photo above was taken with a film camera.

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I'm the member of some cosplay group, but I don't cosplay. Hell, I have my own cosgroup but I don't cosplay. It's also just the name we formally call our group of friends, but this is a anything-goes group. I'm primarily a photographer who prefers to observe rather than participate.

Now why don't I cosplay, If I'm so much into the culture?

I'm a very harsh person, and so something has to be perfect when I do it. I become angry at myself when I don't get my pictures perfectly; even if I mess up my schedule, I get really angry. Because I planned it to be perfect and it's not turning out the way I planned it.

I cannot do cosplay the way I planned it.  If I'm going to do cosplay, everything must be dead-accurate. It's hard to do dead-accurate. And I don't have the body build that perfectly matched the character I want to cosplay, as I'm not drawn and I eat a lot of meat. Also, it could be said that cosplay, just doesn't get my juices flowing that much.

Also recently I've encountered the situation of cosplay snobbery. Since, by some distinct twisted way, the local scene transformed the hobby of cosplaying into a uncalled for status of elevated rank. people who do cosplay and are sometimes good at it turn into unsufferable snobs. Now this is not the general rule now, but my fear is that this happens and accelerates in a few years. That'd be bad. It's elicited numerous statements of disgust who are in the right mind. Maybe this can be sourced from the fact that mass media had and done a great deal of things in order do this escalation? Not that I reject the popularisation of the hobby, but I just simply cannot stand to bear the thought of the disrespect caused by those in it for simple popularity butchering my favorite fandoms.

Most of my photography, I learned through shooting cosplay subjects. I like to think that I have a pretty good idea how you can tell whether a cosplay done is good. And I have worked with people who are just great at doing it. I've also met people who are good at cosplay photography. Behind the lens, what makes the cosplay especially brilliant is how the person donning the costume portraying the character on which their costume is based on. I know I've put a heavy emphasis on the aesthetic quality of cosplay, but it is one of the many important aspects of it. You could say the cosplay requires a multitude of factors to be pulled off successfully. It's very common to see someone cosplaying a character just for the heck of it, or for fame and glory; It could be said that this specific reason is a big factor for the ongoing cosplay snobbery. I can understand their snobbery, but much of this is still an excessive response to the current phenomenon.

All this rage, all this rage must be reformed to constructively change on how characters are portrayed. We must remember how easy it is to be angry, and in to the same extent how easy it is to hurt a person's feelings. Of course, this goes without saying that they are really sincere in wanting to portray their favorite character properly; this effort cannot apply to persons who are not really interested in sharing their like for the fandom, but are in it for superficial reasons of fame and notoriety.

Random N.2

I can't sleep again. I know exactly why, and that makes it more horrible.

You know this feeling where there's something you really want but you can't have it? In response to this awful feeling, you try doing other things to try and satisfy this particular want. Usually, these responses do what they are supposed to do, and blow away the feeling of want, even if for just a while. In a exceptionally bad time, however, the response does not do anything, sometimes it makes the feeling even more worse.

Sadly, I am going through the latter phase. And when it does happen, I utilize some sort of twisted positive feedback system to try and balance things again back to where they were.

Currently, my situation feels like a book I read about the first astronauts and test pilots, titles 'The Right Stuff' by Tom Wolfe. In the book, there was a particular situation where the test pilot, in a still unproven aircraft, encounters serious trouble in the test flight. Something like a flat spin, of which even the mighty Chuck Yeager has recovered only from once (as context, Chuck Yeager is the first person to have ever broken the sound barrier). A pilot, in a dangerous situation, usually has a few protocols he can go through in order to normalise the flight behavior of the aircraft. In a serious trouble though, these options are as useful as a bottle of water while in the middle of a raging inferno. But because of the training impressed upon these valiant pilots call them to try them out regardless. What can you do when you can't go forward, but can't because of reasons beyond control?

I can't help but pull inferences from the situation experienced by those pilots. Well, maybe not to extent of that the situation experienced by the pilots will result to their death, but I reckon it's pretty damn close.

The only thing I've got going for me in this part of my life, is my unbelievable luck. I sure hope that it holds out. There's a limit to my ability. I pray that God will continue to smile upon me and retain my luck.

Faith may come off as stupid to some people, especially those ultra-rational people, but I think it is essential to a human being. Without it, what can be used to fight off the fear of the unknown which is innate to humans? True, rationality is an effective weapon against it, but if that is the case, then what is the reason for the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat'? If you die doing something, well that's great if humanity as a whole knows of it and learn from it, but that feeling is somewhat heavily damped by the fact that you die in the process of doing that something.

Moving on, it is really hard to love an enigmatic person. I could do whimsical, but enigmatic is on several degrees more difficult. You absolutely have nothing to go with, you cannot predict what is on their minds (this is usually done for the comfort of the person doing the predicting), and it severely clashes with the fear of the unknown which is embedded to humans. It certainly does have its own allure and charm but there are limits to one's bravery, especially mine. The knowledge that you know so little of a person is damaging, because of all the self-analysis carried out. It is common knowledge that self-analytical thoughts usually are hyperbole and blown way out of proportion, depending on the person's preconception. All of this has a magic way of giving a person a false presentiment about a enigmatic persons' thoughts. And it is even worse if you know only the top of the iceberg, which can either give you a false sense of security or give you dread that is uncalled for.

I'm not asking for much, I just want at least a little bit of attention from her. I know that she's busy and all, but if she were to give me even just the time of day (is it stupid to wish for something like that since there is never a time that I wear a watch whenever I'm outside?), I'd be extremely happy. It won't last forever, but at least it would give me some respite and rest from my ruthless self-analyses.

Putting into consideration my and her circumstances, is it too much to ask for? Even a simple, succinct communique from her would greatly help my emotional well-being.

This feelings are all amplified by the short, but sweet time we have spent together. I asked this enigmatic person out to coffee, braving a very strong psychological desire to dig a ditch and stay there, and I simply had the best time of my life. I could even say it beats the elation I felt when I visited my favorite country in the world, soaking in its culture and overall feel. So much so that the desire to do it again is nearly unbearable. From what happened that night, I can only pull 2 inferences. One, is that because of the good show I've put on, there's a definite chance that there would be a part deux. On the other hand, because of how great it went, it might never happen again. I'm sincerely hoping it was the latter, and I did not commit any grave screw ups that cannot be overlooked. The feeling still of dismay still lingers though, as I've yet to talk to her about the next time such a event will occur. I carry in my heart that it will occur again, but the doubt still remains. Doubting what might be is something I cannot just easily shake off, it seems. Especially when there is a marked lack of communication from the other person. The only option left to me at this time is hope. Without it, I'd be a sorry bag of flesh, wondering what might have been like a buffoon.

Also, this is departure from what I usually experience with my dealings with other people. I usually get what I want from other people, whatever it may be. Perception of success depends on how you move onward from each success or failure. In my opinion, success is pretty much the same as failure; failing to move onward properly results in a severe imbalance that when left uncorrected, would lead to serious problems later on. What is important is what you do with the hand that your are dealt with. Whether is be good or bad. In this particular case, I am given the rough idea that I've been dealt with a good hand; however, due to lack of further information on what are the specifics of my specific hand, it is hard to find out what would be a appropriate hand to play on. Heck, it largely feels that I think I've been dealt with a royal flush, but unsure as to the composition. It's a very confusing state to be in. I really can't fathom where I am now. Am I in a good place, or in a bad situation? I don't know. I would kill to know.

What's left, in this kind of situation, and simply hope for the best. At the risk of going around in circles,